|Wine... You are my only friend!|
I live with this strange belief that people don't really like me. I think they just put up with me for as long as they can and then get tired of me and leave. I'm sure there are some psychological reasons for this: being bullied as a child, abandonment issues, I may be nuts. But in any case that's what goes through my head.
As such it has, on occasion, made it difficult for me to connect to people. I am reluctant to reach out and ask for help or to talk to others about my feelings and problems. I keep telling myself no one cares about what I have to say.
What can I say? The lie I tell myself that keeps the friendless lie going is that I am awkward and shy... And yes every time I say this people are in shock. No really I am! I'm an introvert at the highest level but I've learned to be an extrovert for the sake of trying to make friends.
The irony (I am probably using this Alanis Morissette style) is that I actually have a LOT of friends... Pretty great ones actually. Add insult to injury that I tend to make friends quickly (side effect of being a military brat. Had to stop being the new kid quick.)
I guess I say all this to try to see if I'm not alone in my lies. That maybe there are many of use lying ourselves out of friendships and connections because we are scared or we have been hurt before. If you are like me I'd like to hear about it. And I'll be your friend!